ziko

Why is it that nothing can go right on the days that I need to get a hundred things done? Really is it too much to ask for one smooth day?

I got up to campus this morning (after not sleeping at all last night because I was finishing my Political Science paper) and I realized I had no money on my print card. And I had left my debit card in my bedroom. So I had to back down the mountain, print off my paper on my roommates printer, go back up the mountain, drop off the paper at the POL office, drop off the library books I used for the paper and then come home. All the while it is absolutely pissing down rain and it's windy as fuck. Welcome to November in Vancouver. Not fun. And then I wanted to watch something online before I went to take a nap. The thing was playing on megavideo for like two minutes before it shuts me out and tells me that I've watched 66 minutes of video. Um... no I fucking haven't. I haven't used megavideo in almost a month because it's a piece of shit that wants to charge me to watch illegal videos online. Fuckers. But now I am going to sleep because otherwise I am going to pass out while I am trying to finish my last paper of the semester. That is due tomorrow. Luckily I already have it all outlined so it's really just typing it out.

Midge, this month has given me a new appreciation for what it must have been like for you when you were working nights at Superstore. I don't know how you lasted a year.

I have just rediscovered why I love Brothers & Sisters. At least the first two seasons anyway. I am watching the entire show from season one as my I need a break from writing papers TV show. And holy god they make my family seem ridiculously normal. Not an easy feat, let me tell you.

And yet again I am not sleeping, but writing papers instead. I seem to have a pathological inability to write papers, or do anything productive before midnight. It's a problem. And insanely fucking unhealthy.

I think I will be going to Cuba for Olympic break. I'm finding a bunch of vacation packages to Varadero for the same price as similar packages in Mexico. And I've already been to Mexico once, so it would be nice to go somewhere I've never been before. Still not going to book anything yet because I know the prices will go down even farther if I wait until closer to the time I want to go. So what do you think Midge?? Cuba sound good for you?? Come on, you know you want to come with me. Don't make me go to a dangerous country by myself (I'm not as good at the guilt as mom and grandma, but I'm working on it).

You know what's awesome? Thinking that the paper you have to write is going to be super easy because it is just analyzing readings we've done in class and requires very little outside research and then realizing that no, in fact it's not going to be easy because two of the four readings I'm supposed to use have absolutely nothing to do with the topic I'm writing on!!!! Motherfucker. And that wouldn't be so bad except that in big bold letters on the assignment sheet it says that we won't get a passing mark if we ignore any of the readings. I totally understand using the in class texts to analyze a situation. But fuck me, make them relevant to the topic please. The paper is on the Rwandan genocide, and whether or not it is morally justifiable that the UN didn't intervene in the conflict. The two readings are about Darfur, which is a completely different situation and therefore you have to use different arguments for against. 3500 words and two sources are almost completely useless. Awesome. I guess this paper is going to stretch my bullshit muscles.

And once this one is done I still have to write 2000 words on Fox news, Bill O'Reilly, and their systematic use of propaganda. I seriously choose the most depressing topics for my term papers. My TA called me an academic cutter. Totally true.

"Barrett knows that I play World of Warcraft. He knows because Brittany told him."

"Yeah I was in the car."

"When?"

"Halloween."

"Who else was there?"

"Me, Barrett, Brit, Rodger, and one of their friends. I can't remember his name."

"Oh my god. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was really fucking drunk that night. I didn't remember until later."

"Yeah but why didn't you tell me when you remembered?"

Why?? Because I don't give a shit. She told him that you played a game. I didn't think it was a major secret. And if you are so embarrassed about people knowing, maybe YOU SHOULD STOP PLAYING. I don't have to tell Vivian everything Brittany says about her. If it's something horrible then yeah, I'm gonna say something. But otherwise?? Not so much. That's like me telling Brittany everything Vivian says about her. I don't want the house to turn into World War III. There's enough tension here without adding undo drama to the mix.

Today was actually a fairly productive day considering I woke up an hour and a half later than I wanted to.

I have all but one of my alternative media sources for my News & Political Communication course. I just have to find one more article from the alternative media and then five corresponding articles from the mainstream media. I'm behind, but it's still doable to get everything done by Wednesday.

I also cleaned my room tonight. And had enough will power to say no to my roommates when they wanted me to come out with them. Not that I can afford it or anything, but that hasn't stopped me in the past.

I have to, at some point this weekend, try to find some focus for my other Communications paper. I've got some ideas, but nothing seems to be coming together. This is a problem. I've already missed out on getting my proposal graded (Midge if you tell mom, I will murder you), but my TA and prof have been really good about giving me ideas. Or that would be good except that my brain seems to already be on vacation and doesn't want to think. I have never had this much of a problem coming up with a paper topic.

I also have to get all of my reading done for next week and study because I have a quiz in my News Communications class on Wednesday. Yeah, my prof is that sadistic. We are all spending this weekend writing a 10-12 page research paper, but he wants us to take time away from that to study for a stupid quiz. I thought he was a nice guy, but now I kind of hate him.

Also have to start my Political Science paper. I have been avoiding that one like the plague. It's a paper on whether or not there is moral justification for not going into Rwanda to stop the genicide. Joy. This paper is going to make me want to throw myself in front of a bus. I'm not kidding.

By December first I will have written 7500 words between three essays. And then I get to go home for a non vacation because I'm going to be working for the entire two weeks. I'm kind of an idiot.

Gonna go out to the arrivals gate at the airport and sit there all day. Watch people reuniting. Public affection is so exciting it even makes airports OK. Watching children run with their arms outstretched just to throw those arms around their grandpas' necks. Watching lovers plant kisses, old men to their misses at the arrivals gate. Watching a mother with a mother's smile. Don't tell me to move I just wanna sit here for a while. I have determined it's a sure cure for cancer watching excitement turn family dogs into dancers at the arrivals gate

It's only November 11. It is WAY too fucking early to be playing Christmas music in Starbucks. Or anywhere for that matter, but I'm in Starbucks right now and it's driving me nuts.

And Fox just cancelled Dollhouse. Not surprising given it's ratings, but still annoying.

Midge,

So I don't know if I've told you about Dan. He's this guy that's in two of my classes and he's also a friend of friends. So anyway, I totally just realized that I'm attracted to him. But he drives me absolutely nuts. Explain that to me please. Seriously I just have no idea.

Seriously if she continues to be a passive aggressive anal retentive fuckwit I am seriously going to go off the fucking deep end.

People don't just put bananas in the freezer for no reason shit head. And if you want to make room in the freezer for other stuff, DON'T JUST TAKE EVERYTHING OUT THAT YOU THINK ISN'T BEING USED!!!! IF IT'S NOT YOURS, FUCKING ASK BEFORE IT GOES IN THE FUCKING GARBAGE!!!!! Seriously, who the fuck does that?? The only reason I hadn't used them yet, is because I've been FUCKING BUSY. You know, actually doing by school work instead of spending hours on end playing World of Warcraft, and spending the rest of her time bitching about her pseudo boyfriend (who she met through the game. Don't even get me started on how fucking pathetic I think that whole situation is). I have a life, and things to do. So yeah, they sat in there for like two weeks. It's not like they were going bad or anything since they were frozen. I just... really don't fucking understand how she works sometimes.

And I'm pretty sure that she's been using my salsa. Now, there are a couple of food items that are free for everyone to use. Peanut butter, jam, butter. We eat a lot of toast, so everyone is free to use those. When they run out, someone just picks them up when they go out for groceries. Everything else?? If you didn't buy it, don't fucking use it without asking me first. I don't fucking care if you don't have money to go and pick some up for yourself. That is not my fucking problem. I payed for it. It's mine until I tell you that you can have some.


Fucking hell. School should be the biggest stressor in my life right now. Not stupid fucking roommates.

If I didn't think it would start a huge fucking fight I would put a sign on the fridge door. IF IT'S NOT YOURS, DON'T TOUCH IT. Oh god how I wish I could do that. Maybe I should just do what my mom does at the townhouse and label all of my food. They can think I'm crazy for doing that, but it might be the only way I keep my sanity.

Oh yeah, and I can't sleep. Which would be fine except of course that I have classes all day tomorrow that start at 9:30 and go, without a break in between, until 5:30. I need to fucking sleep. But I can't. I've been staring at my ceiling for the most of the last two hours trying, and while I have managed to cry for no reason and have a raccoon scare me shitless(see last post), I haven't managed to get any sleep.

fuck my life.

So I just about had a heart attack just now. I was out on the deck having a smoke and all of a sudden a fucking raccoon walks up the steps onto the deck. Just as calm as you please wandered up there and stared at me. He didn't even run away when I screamed and jumped (I'm not even ashamed of that) he just ducked down the stairs and waited until I went back into the kitchen and then wandered back up there. Fucking hell. The worst part about it is when I tell people this story, they won't believe me. Every time I have an incident with an animal no one fucking believes me. They always think I'm hallucinating, or high. And I was only high ONE time, and that skunk was really fucking freaky.

It kind of makes me want to talk to Taryn, but oh yeah right.

On a completely different note, my hormones are fucking out of wack. Seriously it's like delayed PMS. My period ended last week and now for the past two days every little thing has me flying off the handle. Yesterday wasn't bad, but today was horrible. Talking on the phone with my mom I almost started a fight with her about bus tickets for getting home for Christmas. Then I almost shoved a girl off her seat beside me on the bus because she fell asleep and kept bumping into me. And then tonight I just started crying in my room for no fucking reason. Just out of nowhere the waterworks started. Seriously, I have not idea what's wrong with me. Maybe it's stress. Maybe I should go see my counsellor again. I don't know. But it really needs to stop.

But ignoring everything else, THE CANUCKS WON TONIGHT!!! And it wasn't even a one point game, or a nail biter. We beat the Rangers 4-1. And while that's awesome especially because we did it while the team is plagued with injuries. But now we're going on a four game road trip which I'm pretty sure we're going to do abysmally on so I'm holding on to the memory of our last two wins in order to get me through it. So YAY we won!!

Apparently I have a better poker face than I ever thought I did. My roommate Vivian was talking to me today about having anxiety attacks (which I don't think she's actually having). She said it was weird that she was getting them since she was and this is a direct quote the most easy going person I know. If I had been drinking anything, it would have been all over the counter. Most easy going person MY ASS. If she was so easy going she wouldn't compulsively talk about how much the house needs to be cleaned. And she wouldn't passive aggressively do all of the dishes in the sink every single time she is in the kitchen. Seriously.

Speaking of cleaning, I did wash the entire bathroom today. I even washed the towels and the bath mats. Really, I just wanted it to stop being a massive issue, so I did it myself instead of trying to get Brittany to be the one to start our new cleaning schedule. But yeah, the bathroom fucking sparkles right now. And fuzzy bath mats? Feel really cool fresh out of the dryer.

It's a little bit annoying to have a mother who doesn't live somewhere with good cell phone reception. Because sometimes I really need to bounce ideas off her when it comes to my term papers. I mean I normally know what I want to say most of the time. But sometimes I can't get the ideas from my head onto the paper without talking it out with her first. And it really sucks when that happens and her cell coverage is spotty because she lives in the fucking bush. And sometimes it's not even about a paper. I just want to talk to her but I can't.

P.S. Midge, did you know dad hit a deer on the highway on the way to Kamloops this weekend??

I AM GETTING $1100 FROM MY UNIVERSITY!!!!!

God, I love Bursary funding. Even with all the fuck ups that happened with my application at the beginning of the semester, they still decided to give me money. I'm kind of hoping that holds true for next semester as well. Not the fuck ups, but the giving me money part. That part is totally awesome.

Got my registration date for courses for next semester. I I get to start registering on November 18. Registration itself starts on November 9. Nine days in isn't bad, all things considering. It normally would be pretty good, but two of the courses I'm registering for only have space for 35 people. And with the Political Science Department offering so few courses next semester because of the Olympics, I'm a little worries at how many people are going to be registering for so few courses.

And my boys won tonight!!!! Granted, it was against Toronto, but still. A win is a win even when it's against one of the worst teams in the league.

New house motto: Pants are optional. Underwear is mandatory

I just forgot if I turned off the hall light not thirty seconds after I did it. But I still thought that finishing my beer would be a good idea.

Don't watch How I Met Your Mother while smoking. Choking on cigarette smoke is nasty

Apparently my walls are poster phobic. I just put up one tonight that had fallen down the other day and it has already half come off the wall again.

Oh yeah, and my wall is crooked. I have a poster that is flush with the ceiling and corner of my wall, but doesn't hang straight all the way down. After half a bottle of wine that shit is really trippy.

textfromlastnight.com is the devil. Seriously I spend WAAAAY too much time on that site.

Ok, so my day started out shitty, was still shitty through most of the day and has ended pretty fucking awesome.

I slept through my alarm this morning. That fucking pissed me off. I didn't even go to bed that late last night, and I still ended up being in bed until 11:30. Annoying because I wanted to get some research done for one of the two essay proposals I have due next week. Well that didn't get done. Which means I have to do research for both tomorrow. Fuck my life.

Then it was pissing down rain all fucking day. And I shouldn't bitch about the rain because I made the decision to move down to the Wet Coast (not a typo) to go to university. But spending the day running errands while soaking wet is not a lot of fun.

And number three thing that meant the beginning of my day was shitastic. My RESP, and the drama I've been dealing with because of that.

I've been freaking out about my RESP for like 6 months. I forfeited the payout for my third year because I didn't have the credits. Which would have been fine if I had remembered to send in the form saying that I wanted to delay the payment for a year. But I didn't. So at the beginning of the year I borrowed money from my dad and then after I missed the deadline to send in the form I spent the rest of the year worrying about what I was going to do without that money. This summer I found out that I could appeal the forfeit. So now I've spent the last couple of months worrying about what to say in the letter to the company so I didn't sound like a completely flaky college student who forgot to fax in a stupid form (which is basically what happened). Well I finally sent in the letter today. I faxed it at like 1:45 this afternoon. I just went on the website to make sure that they had my email to send me any updates on the appeal. I was still worried that they wouldn't approve it. That was an hour ago. They had already approved the funding. Fuckers. All they wanted to do was send in a damn letter. I don't even think they read the stupid thing. I probably could have just sent in the Verification of Enrollment Form and they would have given me the money. That should make me happy that I will have the money in January. And it does (hence the day ending pretty on a good note), but I'm still a little bit pissed off that I have been stressing about this for months and they approved my appeal in less than a day.

The other good thing is that I just found out that there is a Halloween event that I am actually interested in going to. The party if being held at a movie studio prop warehouse. And as a TV and movie nerd, this is very exciting. It means I have to buy a costume though. But still I haven't been excited about Halloween in like 3 years. And I can rationalize spending the money because it is right at the end of October, so I can take the money out of my entertainment budget for November. Which is actually totally fine because I have three papers due in November, so I am not going out at all anyways. So YAY! Good Halloween party!!!

Now I am treating myself to some good wine, nachos, and nerdy TV on DVD. I haven't watched Firefly in forever, and watching Castle every week has me craving more Nathan Fillion so that's what I'm watching tonight. Tomorrow I will totally focus on school work.

There are so many things wrong with my life right now. And it's dumb, but even when it's stupid and a boy in a bar, and I feel like I'm moving forward towards something different it ends up with him in a bed with two of my friends sleeping off a super drunk night after he danced with me at the bar and kissed me two different times. You don't even want to know. It's not fair. And I'm back to crying by myself in my room at the end of the night. I thought I was over this. I thought this was a part of my night that I didn't have to got through again because I had found people who actually cared about me and didn't treat me like shit.

And right now all I want more than anything is to be back home in Calgary. And I have never, in my entire life thought of Calgary as my home. But right now it is. Because if I was there I wouldn't have to worry about you, or feeling alone because I could just call you up and we could hang out for the afternoon or go driving to nowhere for a couple hours and bitch and moan about everything or talk about absolutely nothing and listen to the really shitty music on my ipod.

I am so homesick right now I can taste it. It's the reason I get on the bus and ride it for no reason. And it's a shitty substitute for driving around the city, but it's the only thing I have right now.

And I know I'm a little bit drunk and I should go to bed so I can regret this in the morning, but it doesn't make it less true. It just means that I have less of a reason to hide it, or ignore it.

I have a fuckload of clothes. I'm pretty sure that the only reason I haven't noticed it until now is because most of the time half of them are either in my laundry basket or in a pile on my desk chair. But all of them are clean now, and holy shit are there a lot of them.

It is absolutely pissing down rain here right now. It's like all of the rain we were supposed to get over the last two days has decided to come down all at tonight.

I was so fucking bored tonight. I vacuumed the living room and hallway, did all of my laundry and cleaned and organized my bedroom. Including remaking my bed. I guess it was a better use of my time than going out to a bar and getting drunk. One, because I have to do more studying tomorrow before Lauren's birthday. And two, I don't have a lot of money to spend for the rest of the month. So although my night was mind numbingly dull, it was probably a good thing.

I could be at an Amy Millan concert right now. Instead I'm sitting at home reading 60 odd pages on the morality of war for my Political Science course. Not that the stuff I'm reading isn't interesting. It is. But concerts are inherently more fun than spending the night home doing homework.

I finally got an extension cord so I finally set up my desk with everything that needed to be plugged in. It's kind of awesome having a real work space instead of having it all on my bed when I'm using it.

I walked home from the drug store today. The bus ride from there to my house is like 5-10 minutes depending on traffic. The walk took me about 20 minutes. It felt good. It would have felt better if I had been wearing any other pair of shoes instead of my boots, but still. Exercise.

Right I should get back to that actual work instead of messing around on here procrastinating.

So my long weekend in Calgary is over. I am sitting in the airport waiting for my plane to arrive to take me home. My plane that is going to be half an hour late taking off. Fan-fucking-tastic. Because it didn't suck enough that I wasn't going to get home until 11:30 pm. Now I'm not going to get in until midnight and then I still have to wait around for half an hour while I wait for my luggage to show up. Joy.

Tomorrow is homework day. I still have to choose a topic for my Political Science course and catch up on readings for my International Communications course.

Still feel like shit, probably bombed my midterm yesterday, and got almost no sleep last night between the not being able to breathe out my nose and the tossing and turning. But you know what?? I don't fucking care. I am going home this weekend and that is all that matters. Sitting in the airport right now waiting for my flight. It's delayed 15 minutes which is good because of the clusterfuck that was the check in line. Why do companies, airlines in particular, but other companies too, think that self serve is a better way to do everything? It isn't most times. Most times it just makes everything worse.

AND, my hockey team WON LAST NIGHT!!!! And not just won, but fucking blew Montreal out of the water. We won 7-1. Booyah baby!! Now lets see if we can stretch that into a streak. That would be nice.

I'm getting a haircut while I'm in Calgary. I don't know what kind of style I want yet, but I really need a change. I'll probably let the stylist go to town.